I am an admittedly incapable preacher. I bristle at notes, fumble through stories, and drive myself crazy trying to discern how the message is being received. When the message is over, I fall into a self-conscious spiral. It's almost enough to keep me from doing it.
Ruthie and I drove down to the On Mission Celebration in Sebring, Florida filled with anxiety. To start off, I made a directional mistake and had to speed from Atlanta to Sebring to make it to my first speaking engagement. I slipped into the church two minutes before Ruthie and I were to go up and give a brief overview of our ministry.
After the whirlwind service, we were greeted by our host church, Sparta Road Baptist Church. Ellen, our main contact there, showed us where we would be staying. To my delight, it was a home for retired missionaries who worked in Africa. Later on in the week, we got to join several of these missionaries at Ellen's house for an evening of conversation and some amazing food:
When speaking, I focused on the narrative of my journey to dwelling and working with internationals. I found that people at each of the seven churches we spoke at (notice the Revelation connection, anyone?) responded to different parts of the story.
Some responded to my battle with depression. Others grew excited about the possibility of reaching their own communities. Many responded to the fact that we were young, part of a generation lost to the church, and we were able to talk about why people our age have such a hard time digging Christianity, and some things we can do about it.
Here's a shot taken after one particularly rich time:
I met a beautiful Filipino couple in one of the churches. This couple was so encouraging to me, and we talked about places where I had grown up. They had been to Tarlac and Cainta, two significant cities in my life.
While we were there, Ruthie got to drive over to Ft. Myers, where her sister lives, and check out some of the local manatees:
It was a full, rewarding time, but the terror of speaking left me totally exhausted. After our last engagement on Wednesday, we had to drive through the night to get back up to Atlanta so I could work the next day. Today (Monday) feels like the first day where things slowed down a bit. Hence the blog entry. And now I'm off to bed.
You're a very lucky guy.
ReplyDeleteLucky? Hmm, I wouldn't put it that way. I think sometimes thinks have been rather painful for you. You seem, though, to have an inner core this exhudes peace now, though... whereas a few years ago it bled anger and pain. Something has changed.
ReplyDeleteKevin, I hope you saying that doesn't jinx it. If some disaster befalls me, I'll know who to track down.
ReplyDeleteAnd Kacie, thanks for reading along and reading perceptively. While the nature of this blog lends itself less to my cynical tirades, of which I still have a pretty good supply, I think you're right. Something very deep has changed, and it's working its way out.